Valhalla

Happiness Will Never Be Found

2005-12-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

“Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.” – H.D. Thoreau

There is a fanciful belief, taken as fact, that Happiness can be found. That at the dawn of time, Happiness congealed into quaint little pools and was scattered as if it were so many Easter Eggs. Mankind has since looked for these delicate treasures in people, places, actions and things. Yet, each time as we get closer to the illusive Happiness that we believe to be peeking from behind a pretty pair of eyes, that new car smell, that new position, that trip that we took to "discover ourselves;" Happiness fades through our fingers like fog and all is as it once was, cold and remarkable.
I have had many such encounters, and I act surprised by the predictable outcome each and every time. Now, however, I have come to a startling conclusion.
Happiness will never be found; it must be created. One must resolve to dig deep into their very soul, removing the roots and rocks of discontent, despair, anxiety, ignorant critique and conformity, and lay a foundation built of a pure and awakened soul.
Happiness cannot exist if we do not will it, if we do not tap into the creative power that lies dormant within each of us and strike by force of will and sculpt our Eden in Life's seemingly unyielding rock.

Why can't we be who we are?

2005-11-06T17:46:00.000-08:00

Recently I have met an old "crush" from my high school days. She was popular and I was, so as to not bruise my ego, "academic." Yet, subconsciously all these years, 8 to be exact, I harbored the thought of "what could have been had I been bolder?"
Well, as Fate would have it, we met again and have had dinner and a few impromptu get togethers. (I was not as timid as I was last time we met.)
She has grown, as would be expected, from a silly little girl into a lovely and independent woman. She is wise and worldly, knowledgeable in her needs and wants, captivating when she relates her experiences, and inadvertently compels a feeling of inadequacy to lodge as a thorn in my heart. For such is my desire to attract and maintain her attention.
When relaying these feelings the responses have been: "don't treat her too well," "don't let her think that you like her," "don't let her think that you need her," "don't be too available," and other phrases that mean "don't be a sucker." However, the crisis is that I, by nature, want to lavish her with gifts and affirmation. To let her know that she has meaning and value in my world, but I know from experience and advisement that my "natural" approach will end in failure should it be attempted. (What is wrong with the methodology of relationships theses days?)
There is only one illogical, and unavoidable, conclusion.....I have to play "The Game." I have to start strategizing when to call, how often to call, should I make eye contact now or later, should I appear vulnerable, should I be kind and engaging or aloof, when should I kiss her, should I pretend that she doesn't matter, should I be selfless or slefish...etc. The madness has begun and I, who only want someone to create and share happiness with have to be anything but myself in an attempt to gain what I desire.
Why is it that we feel that we should be someone that we are not? I will attempt to expound upon this in the next few entrys. Thanks for reading.

"Explore thyself."- H.D. Thoreau

2005-09-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

I want to know who I truly am. I want to discover my inner soul; not by applying my life to philosphy, but philosphy to my life so that by displacement, as a stone's volume is ascertained by the volume of water that it displaces as it is submerged, to so submerge my life with thought as to discover the height, depth and breadth of my soul.

I want to explore and chart the regions of my mind, and follow a path of thought from its borders into the mysterious interior of my soul. To tread old and familiar paths and clear new ones in an attempt to discover the uniquines of my souls terrain.

Where is the road to Happiness?? Look right inward and you shall find it.

Rambling I

2005-09-07T20:37:00.000-07:00

Vanity!! Vanity! All is vanity. A society of pasteboard emotions, plaster indulgences and papier machie iniquities. Grasping clutching clawing for permanence in a world of smoke and fog. Seeking a footing in a quagmire of over indulgence and vice.

A culture that is tawdry, cheap, and plastic with an offending infinity. A scar, a curse, a relic reminder of what has gone wrong. Mocking in its existence Nature's attempts at order. Garbage! Trash! Junk!

Where is the fortress of Granite Truth? Where are the flagstones that once paved the path to eternal promise? Where is forever?

Timeless temples of craggy rocks, rising in blissful silence to eternity's slow song. Created not to end, but to endure. Carved by tears of gentle rain and polished with the icy diamonds of snow. What can Man do but diminish this beauty? Can perfection be wielded in the hands of Man? NO!!

Not in his hands can a man clasp perfection, but in the pure soul a man can ascend beyond mere mortality and achieve godly creation.

The soul is man's "world" to be moved upon by his spirit and declared good or judge to be "darkness and void."

Yet, how far the state of man has fallen. Thoughtless shells; specters of the spectacular deities from which we sprung. Once the sons and daughters of gods and goddesses, now being trampled into the muck under history's slow tread.

Where is the warrior? The stout of heart, who charged into the teeth of an unknown future, acknowledging fate, but not bowing without resistance? Do principles still exist?

The Man in My Coffee Cup is Laughing At Me

2005-06-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

The Man in my coffee cup is laughing at me,
as he does every morning and again at high tea.
He's a brutish companion who invades my space.
He can hide in my mirror...any reflective place.
Mocking me, goading me, placing me on trial.
"Guilty of all charges," he says with a smile.
The Man in my coffee cup won't leave me alone.
He is down at the restaurant, even there in my home.
He gets smaller and smaller with each sip from the cup,
But returns larger-than-life when I fill it back up.
But he's cruelest at coffee, and again at high tea.
The man in my coffee cup who is laughing at me.

Rambling about LOVE.......

2005-06-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

Funny, how eternity can hide behind the hands of a clock. Interesting how one who has undeniable evidence of their finite existence, can suddenly be cognizant of an infinity of lifetime. It boggles the mind that in a shard of splintered time, you can connect with a soul whom you have never known, but fail to recall the name of the neighbor who has lived next to you for years. The reason, the catalyst, the anomaly is love.

I don't propose to know everything, or even know anything about love. Everyone is searching for true love, yet few are ever to find it, and even fewer able to keep it. Love costs us. It costs time, emotion, pride, and self. It requires that we sacrifice our wants and desires to aid someone else in the pursuit of their wants and desires.

True love keeps loving when it would be easier, more convenient, to give up. Love is its own inherent reward. It is both the means and the ends. By love, you will achieve and maintain love.

Love requires a strong heart that can sense beyond the temporal body to the immortal soul. The soul is the genuine person, the offspring, part and particle, of God. It is the definer of human nature, the base part of us. One should love at the level of teh soul. The body will degenerate; the intellect will eventually become one day familiar and uninteresting. But the soul, in its unchartable infinity, will provide an eternity of awe and wonder to explore.

Love of soul means: that if there were no body, no intellect to interact with, just a true knowledge of a persons existence and their reciprocal love, then that knowledge would be enough comfort to maintain you for countless time. If your Lover were just an essence to be sensed everyday, but never touched then that would hold you.

Love defies logic, reason and sanity. It is a child of Chaos, and has all of its best qualities. Love couldn't have been a product of Law or Logic, for it is neither of these. Love is unjust, a madness, a fever of the brain that draws from us criminal thoughts. A want to posses and obtain what is only beautiful as long as it can run wild, free of fetters and restraint.

New Location

2005-06-18T10:07:00.000-07:00

In order to serve you better, we have a new blog site for the Princess Story "Silence of the Ground"

The long way home........

2005-03-15T22:11:00.000-08:00

To all who are concerned, that means you Mom; I have been away from my keyborad for a very long time.

It all started when I heard a knock at the door, and ended in a seedy bar in Lima, Peru. How I got there, without travelers checks is still a mystery to me, but the patrons told me that I had had a good time and gave me a Pinata filled with gold teeth. They kept saying "He won, he won." I had no clue as to what I had won, yet speculated from the doctors biopsy of my liver that it was indeed a tequila drinking game. "It seems your kidneys have died of exhaustion," said my MD.

But luckily two fresh kidneys where available, due to the lack of creedance that law enforcement has given to the urban legend about people waking up in hotel room bath tubs, full of ice, and minus their kidneys.

Needless to say I am well. I know many people who are disappointed at that, I being one of them. Yet, it doesn't seem to be my time to "slip the surly bonds of earth and touch the face of God." Which is fine with me, He can wait until M.A.S.H is over.

"Incoming and they've got wounded."

Hello

2005-02-28T19:59:00.000-08:00

If you like humor, conversation, and are on a quest for truth then welcome to my blog. I hope to have many enlightening, and entertaining, conversations with all who enter. My personal philosophy is "Not much matters, but the things that do matter are worth talking about."